True but thats because hes a fetus.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
