Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
