Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
