We won't sleep together?
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
