woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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