We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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