The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Don't tell me you're on acid again
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
