its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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