how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Randomize
