ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
