Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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