I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
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There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
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I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
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