I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
