Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
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he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
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