she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize