My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.