you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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