You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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