So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
