I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
