He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
