I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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