Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
