the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
