How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Randomize
