We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
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