she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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