More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
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