Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
