her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
