my sisters under your porch take her home
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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