Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize