Dual....:-)
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
