apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
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Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
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I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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