i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I just want nice things and good sex
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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