I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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