How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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