They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
