you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
