I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
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Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
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so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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