You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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