well I can't set my house on fire every night
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
