remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
