she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
