I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
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