Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
