I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
