I like to think it a success when the cops are called
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
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