I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
