my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
