Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
