I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
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Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
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Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
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