Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
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She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
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On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize