He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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