oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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