We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
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He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
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I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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