My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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