And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
