Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
