I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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