Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
