My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
FUCK WHALES
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