Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
